My Quarter Life

Today is my twenty-fifth birthday.

It feels more profound than most birthdays and I don't know why.

Today my mom told me I am the happiest she's ever seen me. I count it as a compliment & I would say she's right. Somehow, in the middle of things unexpected, things difficult, & a season of winter, I feel in bloom.

I took a trip this weekend alone. Alone on purpose. I wrote & I learned & I felt the value of knowing myself. And honestly, you know, I feel a little guilty for saying that.

We say in Christian circles-- good and biblical ones-- that life is about knowing Jesus, glorifying him. And I agree fully. But I wonder then why I feel scolded, at times, for pursuing the things I am gifted in and for acknowledging I am gifted in them.

If I am made in the image of the Creator, if I feel most myself when creative, if I pursue that creativity by pursuing a deeper understanding of my own heart and mind, am I not then pursuing a deeper understanding of my Creator? And is that not good?

I hope I have three-quarters more of life to learn these things. I hope my days will stretch out like the rolling hills I watched from my hotel window. I hope the colors of my days will change the way the rising sun on the mountainsides changed my perception of them. I hope I am able to watch the seasons & to feel them, to feel their changing & the growth that lies beneath the surface of the gardens.

I like that I could not see beyond that one Appalachian cluster to the stories beyond it. I'm hopeful for those stories, and glad for the waiting.