I do not have my MRS. degree, thankyouverymuch

One of my younger brothers is dating a very precious and wonderful girl whom he plans to marry. He calls her his "Missus" and it's nauseating and sweet. They are very strange and somehow, they go together. (When they make the face in the photo? It apparently means they're invisible. And they're twenty-one.)

I don't have a "Mister" and I would love to tell you that's just fine with me, la dee daaaaa! But I would be lying. I used to date my best friend, and now I don't and it makes me very sad. Because what is it about a husband that all of us single gals want so badly? It's having that person who knows you to your core and still loves you, chooses to love you in the middle of all the brokenness of the world and then that person helps you grow. And I had that man for a long time, until one day we realized that we wanted different things.

What I am starting to understand now, is my mistake. When I knew we would break up, I told myself I wasn't sure if I could do life without him. I'll tell you the truth, that's why it was & is so hard, and that's also why it wasn't right for me. There shouldn't be any one person that I need to be able to "do life" except for Jesus. And yes, I know that's incredibly trite and religious-sounding, but that doesn't really make it any less true.

Today I read a post on Big Mama's blog that summed up a lot of the lessons God has been kindly beating into my thick skull with a mallet. Primarily, I'm understanding that a man will not and cannot complete me. Our culture inundates us with images of love and passion and completeness as coming together in one giant romantic package, sealed with a long, mushy gushy kiss. And I'm not gonna lie to you, I want that!

But what I also want is someone who doesn't expect me to be perfect. Someone who can forgive me when I try to control every last second of every single day. Someone who can talk me off the ledge when I start crying and can't stop. I want someone who can lead me with strength and masculinity, but godliness above all. I want someone who doesn't need me, but chooses me anyway. (And somebody who will make me enchiladas and margaritas while we watch football, but who doesn't want that?)

Because isn't that how God loves us?

I am only beginning to touch the surface of my own thoughts about this, so expect more. Also expect me to sound more than a little bitter one day, and really rather broken the next. I think that's how it's going to be for awhile. And I'm okay with that.

I did say I like seasons, & change, after all.

I have a crush on Don Miller's words

That's right, not on the man himself, because I don't know the man himself. But I know his words, and if they were human I would kiss them on the mouth because they are so beautiful and balanced and true.

"You get a feeling when you look back on life that that's all God really wants from us, to live inside a body he made and enjoy the story and bond with us through the experience."

-from A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller

Everybody has a story.

"how to write apologize notes for not going to a party"

{This post is dedicated to the individual who used the title of this post as a Google search phrase and so came upon my blog.}

I'm going to give y'all some incredibly helpful advice today. I will be answering the above query as sincerely as possible, because obviously if someone is desperate enough to ask Google how to apologize, they are in need of very serious help. Just maybe not the kind of help they thought they were looking for....

Nonetheless! I give you:

Hope's How To//Writing "Apologize" Notes

1. First of all, I know you didn't realize this when you began your Google search, poor soul, but in this space? We use correct grammar. That's right, your 2nd grade-level grammar skills just aren't going to cut it here at Hopeful. And do you know why? Because we live in America, where no child is left behind and everyone is educated enough to make informed decisions regarding politics and health care. No, wait... Hmmm... Regardless, we live in America, where I pay taxes for you to go to school and damn it, you should have learned at least the basics of proper grammar!!! [Whew, deep breaths.] Therefore, your search should have read: "How to write an apology note for not going to a party."

2. I can only assume by your very specific search that this party you failed to attend was probably rather important to the person to whom you owe an apology. You are clearly distraught that you missed said party; however, your guilt was not great enough to help you make an unselfish decision. That's why I can also only assume that you are, in fact, a teenage girl, and also that you never attended a Southern Baptist school. I often operate under the assumption that it is better to apologize later than to ask for permission. But honey, that shit ain't gonna fly when you're causing the very delicate emotions of your sixteen year old friend to go into conniption fits because OH MY GOD, Josie always picks her boyfriend over me!

3. Stop watching MTV. Seriously, My Super Sweet 16? NOT REALITY. And also? Nobody likes a drama queen, even if The Real Housewives of Atlanta are making bank clawing each others' eyes out on television. You are a teenage girl. Don't Google about apologizing, ask your mom. That's what she's there for.

4. If you were my kid and you had asked my opinion about hanging out with ohmygodmomhe'ssooooodreamy Jacob instead of going to your friend's Not-So-Super Sweet Sixteen party, I would have told you to go to the party and hang out with JacobNotTheTwilightVersion some other time, or maybe even ask your friend if you could bring him to the party. Because really? You're sixteen. Next week you'll be all, Jacob who? But your friend will still not talk to you because you skipped her party.

5. Don't write a note. Talk to her. Try growing up just a little bit and have an actual conversation. I promise you that learning to deal with hard things at this age, like direct confrontation and apologizing when you screw up, will really end up serving you well in life. Just be real, it always ends up working out better.

SUMMARY: Grow up.

You're welcome.

Love,

Mmmm....BACON!

I was listening to NPR during my half hour commute to work the other morning. Of course they had a few stories about the H1N1 virus, and I got to thinking.

Do you find the news fascinating? It's not even so much the stories for me as it is which stories are chosen, how they're presented, where they are placed, what they foreshadow, how they function in culture and what they mean for me and you and that guy over there doing a crossword puzzle from yesterday's paper.

Anyway, not the point.

The story that grabbed me was about how the H1N1 virus is affecting religious places of worship. There were interviews with pastors and priests and rabbis and imams and all of them talked about how their religious rituals had such a high potential to spread the virus-- from sipping from the same wine glass for Communiun to shaking hands to pass blessings. They were, of course, concerned about virus propogation; however, the primary concern for all of them was the spiritual well-being of their respective parishoners. (For the record, I belive that's as it should be.)

But I have a problem with that position too. Because, these spiritual leaders were more concerned that their flocks would miss out on something each god supposedly accomplishes only via each religious tradition far more than they were about the health of the individual.

I'm all for tradition and spiritual ritual, for that matter. My church serves Communiun each week and I believe my spiritual life is better for it. But you know what I'm also for? Using your brain.

Why spread a virus when it can be easily avoided by abstaining from particular traditions for a season? I mean this concretely, but doesn't it apply abstractly as well? Lent is a spiritual tradition in the Christian faith where believers choose to abstain from something (food, TV, internet, whatever) for a season of forty days, the purpose being to prepare yourself for Easter-- the celebration of the death and ressurection of Jesus. Would it not also be true then, that for the sake of our faith, God may call us to abstain from other things for other seasons?

I believe that God gave us intelligent minds that have developed in knowledge and creativity as time passes. Part of that is the world of medical understanding we currently live in. Doesn't it stand to reason that if God has given us the brain power to understand that spreading germs spreads viruses and disease, he also maybe intends for us to be smart enough to try to avoid doing it, even if only for a season?

Maybe not. Maybe for some, spiritual practices are completely necessary for deepening the spiritual life. But I wonder, what kind of god are you serving when your spiritual well-being is dependant upon completing various rituals? What kind of faith is it that needs physical affirmation in the form of rituals?

Perhaps that kind of faith is the one for you, but don't you ever long to be free? I don't believe I could ever serve a god whose desire was to limit my freedom, to put me in bondage. What kind of god forces you to serve him?

Consider it this way: wouldn't you prefer to be married to someone who chooses to love you, even amidst your flaws, than to be married to someone who is with you out of obligation? The best kind of love is that which is freely given, not the kind that is forced. (I don't think true love can be forced anyway.) The God I serve does not demand my love, but he gives me the freedom to choose to love him, the freedom to choose to live and walk daily in his love for me. I believe that Christ came to set me free from sin, but also from the obligation of spiritual rituals, tradition, and all forms of legalism.

Galations 5 calls it "The Life of Freedom."

Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you.

I am emphatic about this. The moment any one of you submits to circumcision or any other rule-keeping system, at that same moment Christ's hard-won gift of freedom is squandered. I repeat my warning: The person who accepts the ways of circumcision trades all the advantages of the free life in Christ for the obligations of the slave life of the law.

I'm not trying to claim that traditions are bad. I believe that some traditions are designed specifically to give us necessary reminders of what God has done for us. But I fear that rituals in the name of Jesus too often replace relationship with Jesus. And can I just tell you? There's nothing like relationship with Jesus.

2 Corinthians 3:16-18

Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We're free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.

I like the sound of that.

P.S. If only

House was a real person... God knows I love that fictional man. Also I have no idea why this is showing up bold. Maybe my computer thinks the point should be emphasized.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

I may have mentioned this once or twice, but I have always loved the seasons. I live in a part of the South where we feel all four of them, where we watch the light change ever so slightly in the late afternoon and feel the humidity lift in the cool of the evening. All of a sudden, fall is descending upon us.

As I feel the relationships around me changing, I understand that they too, are seasonal. My friends are marrying, some are having babies, and I am still on my own. But I am okay there; happy even. When you establish friendships as young single adults in college, people never really let on that when some of you marry and some of you don't, it will change things. Dynamics change, plans change, priorities change. The season of "freestyle," as my girlfriends and I call it, has ended.

I sat at brunch yesterday with my family and at the table next to us there were five women, one had a newborn baby. I couldn't stop myself from eavesdropping as they planned their day of shopping and chatting and passing the baby from one set of longing arms to the next. They would meet their husbands later and "What are you wearing to dinner tonight" conversations carried on as they breezed out of the restaurant. I couldn't help but think, that will be us in a few years.

And I understood then that I don't feel left behind. I feel exactly where I should be. We live in seasons and we are all on different paces, but the beauty is the seasons always come back around. Those women's friendships were a few cycles of seasons ahead of me and mine, but they weren't so different from where we are. Maybe they had gained some fine lines, some husbands, some houses and some history, but adding those things was only adding.

Fine lines mean laughter. Husbands mean love. Houses mean home. History means wisdom. Change is God's way, as Donald Miller said. I want a life that is rich. And I think that means change.

I apologize in advance.

I'm sorry.

*Disclaimer: don't click any links unless you're willing to subject yourself to possibly offensive things, which I find hilarious with my sense of humor that is roughly on par with my 17 year old brother. This post is not for the faint of heart.

I never wanted this blog to be whiny and woe-is-me, plight of the single girl garbage. So if you don't come here for that, happy Friday! And don't let the internet bitch-slap you on your way out. Because today, I'm going to have a little rant here on my blog. Because I never promised not to and I DID promise to be authentic, and this is where I am. Welcome to hell.

(Ha ha, okay just kidding about the hell part, I just thought that would be funny and overly dramatic.)

I mentioned already that my best friend is getting married in November. And people? I am in the THROES of party planning. And other people? I LOOOOVE party planning. Why? Because party planning involves everything I love: to-do lists, shopping lists, people to call lists, guest lists, spreadsheets, address books, paper & pens, menus, decorations, pretty pretty twinkle lights (a definite must), presents, candles, delectable food, music, booooooze, friends, laughter and SO MUCH MORE! Truly, I swoooooooon and maybe even drool a little bit when I have reasons to make new folders on my computer and have tab after glorious tab of Excel spreadsheets. And, I love pretty things. And I happen to be really good at shopping (who'da thunk?). I was born to PARTY PLAN.

Next weekend is the Bachelorette party, also known as the DE-FLOOZING, and I've been to so many um, questionable websites to find things like the Willie Wiggle Wand (don't click that link unless you have ANY sense of humor) in the past week it's a wonder I'm not being solicited to star in p*rn films. My Southern Baptist conscience is making me blush. (Thank you, Matthew Paul Turner of Jesus Needs New PR, for this post, making it far less embarrassing for us single Southern Baptist gals to buy toys, ahem, for our soon-to-be-married friends.)

You're going to have to wait for a full-on explanation of what De-Floozing means, but let's just say that a former beau of the bride once told her she looked like a floozy. Right before she met his parents. I kid you not. She ditched him of course, but honey, you better believe I made sure that nickname stuck!

I've learned a few more things they don't tell you when you get excited about your best friend's wedding. How about a list? I do so love a good list!

What They Don't Tell You About Planning Bachelorette Parties

1. You should have kept that feather boa you wore for Halloween freshmen year of college (when you were so delighted to discover that dressing like a hooker was completely acceptable--nay, the goal, of Halloween.)

2. It will always be embarrassing to buy anything with a cartoon pen*s on it. Even via the world wide web.

3. Getting an entire bridal party together for one weekend, post-college, is a feat comparable to climbing Everest without oxygen or digging a well with your bare hands.

4. You're going to need a glue gun.

5. Dollar Tree is the best place to purchase Mardi Gras beads. (And movie candy!) (And glow sticks!)

6. When purchasing sequiny ribbon, thread, or other Bachelorette costuming necessities from JoAnn's Fabric, make sure you're on the mailing list ahead of time. That way, when you politely ask in your I'm-buying-this-to-make-my-little-sister-a-dance-costume voice if there happen to be any coupons "hiding out somewhere," you will not be met with looks of disdain from the cashier.

7. You're going to get a whole new sex education no matter how hard you try to avoid it. I'm just saying, I definitely bought her a book called Tickle His Pickle. Yes Mom, I did.

(Related sidenote: When we were in high school, Lindsey's- that's the bride- mom would always exclaim: "HOOOPEY!" when I said things like that. My justification was the no-fail "Connie, would you rather me talk about it, or do it?" See? I win.)

8. Colored feathers come in packages of primary colors, and pink. Planning a two-tone color scheme is going to be difficult.

9. No matter how many of the party favors you make yourself, how many coupons you use, how many items you cut from the list for the sake of your meager budget, still plan on hefting that Robinhood-worthy bag of gold onto the counter at Michael's and saying: "Here, have it all! Anything for the sake of my friend's marriage!" Three words: Maxed. Out. Credit.

10. You should prepare for feelings of bitterness, with an undercurrent of jealousy, if you are single. However, you should also take notes so that when it's (finally) your (freakin') turn, your party will be the best one because you've learned the lessons already! Payback's a beautiful bitch sometimes.

11. After you've spent all your money, burned all your fingers with hot glue, vacuumed all the feathers from your apartment's floor, eaten all 3 boxes of movie candy in one sitting, thrice pricked yourself with a sewing needle, and realized that probably no one will realize all the effort you put into this, it will suddenly dawn on you that the moments you spent laughing with your other single friends while you did all it of were definitely worth it, even if the party bombs. (Which you will then pray REALLY HARD that it doesn't.)

12. Then, you'll realize that at the end of a biting and sarcastic post you just got all mushy gushy and you'll be comforted that you do have a heart in there after all.

Hello, Fall!

Dear Autumn,

I have missed you so. When I walked outside this morning and I felt your chill on my arms, I stopped for a moment and breathed deeply, and I could feel the coolness going all the way into my lungs, and I loved it.

THANK YOU.

Fondly,

Hope


P.S. And thank you for providing the perfect backdrop for football season. AMEN!