I want to live a better story. I want the words on my pages to count for more than days gone past. Do you ever imagine observing your own life as if it were a movie? I always want to be laughing in those captured moments, but I wonder how often I am laughing in the real ones. My life is rich in friendships and in a certain kind of love there, and I am ever grateful. But I am afraid I will always feel this empty place. I am afraid that my longing for a deeper life is that place in me that was made for heaven and I'm afraid of how long it might be until it isn't empty anymore. What's more, I think I am afraid of not trying to filling it well; and by that I mean, this broken world is filled with its own beauty and I fear missing that for feeling the emptiness too much.
2 comments:
How did you read my mind? Your words have captured my thoughts of the last week. Gurrrrl. You are good. And clearly, you need to drink Nyquil more often.
Wait.
Let's not go that route of writing inspiration, after all :)
The emptiness tells of who you are, not who or what you're missing - beautifully blank pages, if you will.
No feeling, emotion or experience surpasses the truth that the God of the universe had something in mind that he never has had or will have again when He created you. It's the undeniably divine mesh of His creation of you interacting with all of His creation that stirs within you and shows up on these pages. An unmistakeably unique role you play, but it's His story.
To feel deeply in Him, to long for prayerfully with Him, to desire desperately from Him: all proof that God is alive in you and you are responding. My belief is that He will blow you away with His perfect plan for you (Jer 29:11+). My prayer for you in the interim is a deeper trust, with an overflow of God's little love surprises/reminders throughout your days (Eph 1:17+).
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