Know Thyself

So advised Aristotle. It's good advice, I think.

There was a time when I didn't know how to be in a romantic relationship, because it was practically my only true relationship. Sometimes I think it's really too bad I'm only realizing that almost three years later.

One of my very best friends in the world is going to have a baby. I am so, so excited for her. And surprisingly, I'm not the least bit jealous. You see, for most of college, I thought I would be married and at least thinking about having kids by now. But I'm not even close to that, and I'm almost surprised to realize that I'm happy right here.

I am learning more and more every day about who I am. I am not lonely. I am not outcast. I am not lost or deeply hurting. For a very long time I believed I was all of those things. Granted, I still feel that way at times, but I don't believe that's who I am anymore and I think recently, it's a result of two things:

1. My friends-- real, true, call me at 3AM, make me laugh and cry in the same minute, talk shit with me when I need to talk shit, forgive me when I need forgiving, love me when I need to sit there and feel loved, laugh at my irreverence, ask me "how are you" with meaning in their tones-- they're those kind of friends, and they're spread all over this country. They are the kind of people who help introduce you to yourself, and that is a beautiful gift.

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2. The weekend I just spent on a little ranch in Texas. I went to a retreat that was basically a training weekend. Training for reading the Bible in context and applying it to real life, instead of hypothetical life. They didn't promise me my best life NOW. They didn't tell me I would know my purpose after all was said and done. But they did give me practical advice & application and biblical guidance. They gave me a bed in a lodge and they gave me their glorious Texas-Southern accents and they gave me sunrises over the river and diamondback snakes in the grass. (Okay, upon further study, it wasn't actually a diamondback, but a bull snake is not a good story.) I'm embracing my passions a little more and I'm wanting to work more towards the things I love that don't necessarily pay my bills. Yet. I'm learning more about the Bible as a narrative, as a whole story that points to one thing, one person really. It's like it's a new book, and I'm excited.