"how to write apologize notes for not going to a party"

{This post is dedicated to the individual who used the title of this post as a Google search phrase and so came upon my blog.}

I'm going to give y'all some incredibly helpful advice today. I will be answering the above query as sincerely as possible, because obviously if someone is desperate enough to ask Google how to apologize, they are in need of very serious help. Just maybe not the kind of help they thought they were looking for....

Nonetheless! I give you:

Hope's How To//Writing "Apologize" Notes

1. First of all, I know you didn't realize this when you began your Google search, poor soul, but in this space? We use correct grammar. That's right, your 2nd grade-level grammar skills just aren't going to cut it here at Hopeful. And do you know why? Because we live in America, where no child is left behind and everyone is educated enough to make informed decisions regarding politics and health care. No, wait... Hmmm... Regardless, we live in America, where I pay taxes for you to go to school and damn it, you should have learned at least the basics of proper grammar!!! [Whew, deep breaths.] Therefore, your search should have read: "How to write an apology note for not going to a party."

2. I can only assume by your very specific search that this party you failed to attend was probably rather important to the person to whom you owe an apology. You are clearly distraught that you missed said party; however, your guilt was not great enough to help you make an unselfish decision. That's why I can also only assume that you are, in fact, a teenage girl, and also that you never attended a Southern Baptist school. I often operate under the assumption that it is better to apologize later than to ask for permission. But honey, that shit ain't gonna fly when you're causing the very delicate emotions of your sixteen year old friend to go into conniption fits because OH MY GOD, Josie always picks her boyfriend over me!

3. Stop watching MTV. Seriously, My Super Sweet 16? NOT REALITY. And also? Nobody likes a drama queen, even if The Real Housewives of Atlanta are making bank clawing each others' eyes out on television. You are a teenage girl. Don't Google about apologizing, ask your mom. That's what she's there for.

4. If you were my kid and you had asked my opinion about hanging out with ohmygodmomhe'ssooooodreamy Jacob instead of going to your friend's Not-So-Super Sweet Sixteen party, I would have told you to go to the party and hang out with JacobNotTheTwilightVersion some other time, or maybe even ask your friend if you could bring him to the party. Because really? You're sixteen. Next week you'll be all, Jacob who? But your friend will still not talk to you because you skipped her party.

5. Don't write a note. Talk to her. Try growing up just a little bit and have an actual conversation. I promise you that learning to deal with hard things at this age, like direct confrontation and apologizing when you screw up, will really end up serving you well in life. Just be real, it always ends up working out better.

SUMMARY: Grow up.

You're welcome.

Love,