Drown in Grace

How do you demonstrate grace to someone when you are the one who needs it?

So here's what happened, in a nutshell:

My day job is Creative Marketing. Right now my big project is an ad DVD for my employer and three of us have been filming and planning and brainstorming into the late hours of weekend nights. We had planned to film this past Saturday and Sunday, but decided around 11:30 PM on Friday to postpone those two days of filming due to circumstances out of our control. After a week filled with funeral-related things, visitors, and catching up on work, I was ALL ABOUT not setting my alarm for Saturday morning.

Fast forward.

11:59 PM-- Lights out! I am zonked.

11:17 AM, Saturday-- I decide to saunter out of bed and make some coffee. (People, I even did The Shred.)

Fast forward.

7:52 AM, Monday-- Open work email. See email from fellow employee dated Saturday, 11:30 AM: "Where are you? I've been here since 10:15."

Ohhhh shit.

Said employee was basically forced by her boss to come into work on Saturday, a day she always has off, because of ME and my NEED for her to be in my film shoot for 45 minutes.

The film shoot I cancelled.

The one I forgot to tell her I cancelled.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

7:53 AM, Monday-- Proceed to bang head against wall and groan loudly.

8:10 AM, Monday-- Write 7 sentence email to fellow employee. 6 sentences contain some form of the words "sorry" or "apologize" or "sincerest."

I truly feel so, so badly for my oversight. What is worse, if I were in her shoes, I would have BLASTED me; absolutely annihilated me with anger-- which tells you a lot about me. HA.

Here's my point though, from her perspective (rightly so), I had ZERO regard for her time or her weekend or her in general. What mattered to me was my day off and the SECOND I knew I would have that day off, I forgot everyone else involved. (Including my brother, who was also to be involved in the shoot. When he called to see where I was, I apologized and he said: "Oh okay. No problem. Love you; have a good day off!")

After I sent my apology email, I nearly cried with guilt, with feeling badly for my wrongdoing. But I don't believe I should live in guilt. I am human, after all, sinful. I make mistakes. In Christ, there is grace for me and I am positively drowning in that grace. Therefore, to continue to live in guilt is to reject God's gift of grace.

However, I do not know if this fellow employee lives under that grace or even knows it. As I thought back to my brother's easy-going response to my mistake, I felt grateful for the grace he showed me. So as I considered how else I could apologize to my fellow employee besides an email, I wondered how I could show her grace, when I am the one who needs grace from her?

During my lunch break I bought her a gift card for a local popular microbrewery/restaurant. I left it in her office because she was at lunch when I went by, and I left a note to say I knew it wouldn't make up for her time, but I was sorry and please enjoy dinner & some drinks on me. I don't know what else to do, or if that was even the right thing.

But I pray she enjoys the hell out of that dinner and those drinks. I hope she shares that time with friends and that their meal is filled with laughter, even if it's at my expense. I pray that somehow, such a small thing will serve as an example of Christ, even if my humanity does the opposite far more frequently.

But more, I pray that I will be changed because of my mistake. That when some other human makes a mistake that affects me like that, I will show him or her grace instead of anger. I don't want to be the same tomorrow.

Do you have an answer: How do you show grace when you're the one who needs it?