Messy Bits

“The world needs your messy stories.”

Ann Voskamp said this once, and probably a few more times. I am encouraged by her simple admonishment.

I spent several days last week working at a women’s blogging conference. Last Wednesday evening, I sat in a ballroom filled with women who, if asked, would not have known which teams were fighting for the pennant, but they could have given you an extensive background for any one of the mommy bloggers who would step to the microphone in the days following.

In a room filled with two hundred and fifty women, nearly every last one of them is a stay-at-home mom who (sometimes) earns a second income via her blog, dedicated to some form of homemaking. I struggle hard against the claim many of these bloggers made—that as women, we are simply meant to be homemakers. I want to end this paragraph in bitter snark, but I can’t. I respect stay-at-home moms; I was raised by one. Such deep dedication to raising children is noble and it is a high calling. I suppose my problem with the whole thing is that I do not believe it’s a woman’s only calling.

{Here come some of my messy bits.}

I have known for as long as I can recall that I want to be a wife and mom. When that day arrives, I hope to have the financial freedom to stay at home with my kids, but I’ve also always imagined that I will pursue some sort of career within that context. That’s what my mom did and continues to do, successfully. I have learned from her that as her child, I am a top priority. But I’ve also learned I’m not the only priority.

You see, our Creator put passions and dreams and abilities into my mom that are vast and expansive and life-giving in ways that are not limited to her offspring. My mom is an artist and her heart is enlarged by her work. Many are blessed by her creative calling. Therefore, she pursues the gift of artwork that God has put within her to do. This pursuit is never at the expense of her children’s needs—the opposite really. Listening to her actions, I have learned that the dreams God has put in my heart matter. The passions exist with purpose. The abilities should be developed, and employed.

Now, to be fair, I should say that maybe these mommy bloggers are diverting their passions, dreams and abilities into something that makes sense within the context of their current world as homemakers. But maybe not. You have to question so many women being gifted at coupon cutting, and I have very serious doubts about God putting the dream of saving money at the grocery store into so many hearts. There’s nothing wrong with it—being a good steward of the money God’s given you is biblical. But as far as dreams go, it’s just so small. From where I sit, our Creator is not one to put small dreams in hearts. He’s a God of great glory, of mighty acts, and of miracles. He is vast.

My issue with this also (clearly) stems from the fact that I am neither married nor a mom. These facts prompt questions: If that’s all I’m meant to be, I suppose I have no purpose until I am married…? What if I never get married? Is there something wrong with me? Should I just go ahead and settle for someone who won’t necessarily create a Christ-honoring marriage with me, if only because at least I’ll be fulfilling my purpose as a woman? Would that be glorifying, or would it be me trying to fit God into my box of an idea for how my life “should” play out? If I marry only for the sake of marriage and family, but against my gut judgment about the man, isn’t that doubting God? Wouldn’t I then be failing to trust him with my life’s purpose? Aren’t these mothers who raise their daughters to be homemakers precisely because they are female, limiting their daughters’ and their own understanding of our infinite God?

For many years I had a very specific picture of what my future would look like with a man I thought would be my husband. It matched much of the day-to-day these women live. But that particular future didn’t happen, and even after I knew it wouldn’t, I held on to hope for it, to my detriment. Rather than strive for an imagined life with that man, I had to move forward with my own life, on my own.

I want to live a life that is open to the changes God puts before me. He works in seasons and so “I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes,” as Don Miller once wrote. Sometimes that means letting go of expectations or very specific dreams; sometimes it means opening your heart to the bigger dreams of God. It’s my experience that God doesn’t ever play my life out the way I imagine it. His ways are better, and they’re also vastly different.

But different in the hands of an incomparable and infinite God is a different I can embrace.

Scouting for Hope

Friends, today's the day.

Tonight at 7:30 men & women who have lost their children will gather to celebrate life and to 'scout for hope' together.

Will you please join me in praying for them?

We'll be preparing all day, and we covet your prayers. Thanks in advance.

Scouting for Hope

Waiting for Superman

Much has been said in recent weeks about the state of our country’s education system. A lot of that talk has to do with the release of a new documentary by Davis Guggenheim called “Waiting for Superman,” which releases in some cities this Friday.

Thomas Friedman of the New York Times wrote a column on September 11th in which he presented the claims of Michael Hirsh of Newsweek, who says the United States is number 11 on Newsweek’s list of 100 best countries in the world, beside statements by Robert Samuelson of the Washington Post who says that today’s students in America are far less motivated than past generations.

Friedman argues that student apathy is a symptom of the larger problem—America is facing a values breakdown that is a result of the pervasive “get rich quick” attitude and our recent propensity as a culture to choose the gain of something for little or nothing, rather than choosing to sacrifice for the sake of our own futures. Friedman is supported by David Rothkopf, a Carnegie Endowment visiting scholar, when he says Americans do not take responsibility for these issues, but instead attempt to place blame anywhere else.

I’d like to add a point that Seth Godin makes in his newest book, Linchpin: business is no longer conducted the way it was in the recent past; management and labor no longer rule. Godin says “the death of the factory means that the entire system we have built our lives around is now upside down.” One of the biggest hurdles Americans will face in making this change is the way we have been educated within our own culture. The author goes on: “We’ve been taught to be a replaceable cog in a giant machine. We’ve been taught to consume as a shortcut to happiness. We’ve been taught not to care about our job or our customers. And we’ve been taught to fit in…We’ve bought into the model that taught us to embrace the system, to spend for pleasure, and to separate ourselves from our work. We’ve been taught that this approach works, but it doesn’t (not anymore). And this disconnect keeps us from succeeding, cripples the growth of our society, and makes us really stressed.” (Italics mine.)

I want to argue that there are many, many teachers in the public school system in America who engage their students well on a daily basis, but who are stuck in an outdated system, designed to create “factory workers” rather than develop creative minds. The film “Waiting for Superman” is accompanied by a social action campaign that is addressing this issue. The fact that the United States ranks 25th in math and 21st in science among other nations should be more than enough to tell you this isn’t just a problem for parents of current students, or teachers of current students, or even the students themselves. This is a problem for our entire nation. This is our collective future.

What do you think? Teachers, I want to hear you weigh in. What’s the biggest problem you see in your classrooms? For those of you in business, how do you see America’s collective functionality in business changing? How would new workers be best served in their education?

Help us keep this conversation going, won’t you?

And go see "Waiting for Superman." Here's the trailer:

What She Wants You to Know

Today, Kristen Howerton, over at Rage Against the Minivan, featured my (now familiar) friend Tara Beth's words on her blog. Kristen prompted her readers:

I want you to tell us – what do you want us to know about your particular circumstance? What is that burning thing that you wish people would “get”?

And Tara wrote about stillbirth, and she wrote about it ever so beautifully.

Go, read my friend's brilliance--

What I Want You to Know: Stillbirth

P.S. We found out today that while Angie Smith will be speaking at Scouting for Hope, her husband Todd, lead singer of Selah, will be singing there as well! We are PUMPED!

Payday Picks

Today is payday & my Amazon wish list was getting rather long.

Here's what I'll be reading in the coming days:

Permission to Speak Freely by Anne Jackson

I'm realllllly excited about this one. Anne blogs at flowerdust.net and she's truly a great voice of authenticity and truth in the church today. The book stems from a question she once asked on her blog: "What's the one thing you feel you can't say in church?" Anne says the book's purpose is "to show you that you're not alone in your secrets." I like that so much.

The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

Almost every artist I know recommends this book. I recommend it even though I have yet to read it. I believe it will be that good.

I Will Carry You by Angie Smith

Angie happens to be the keynote speaker at Scouting for Hope. (Just sayin'.) I could keep talking about her forever, but I won't. You're getting tired of it, aren't you? BUT! You can read her blog here.

What are you reading right now? Help me make that Amazon wish list long again!

Marchin' for the Wee Ones

So I've been talking a good bit about my friends Tara & Trey Warrick and the upcoming event they're putting on, Scouting for Hope that happens on October 1.

On October 2nd, we'll all be gathering at Shelby City Park to participate in the March for Babies, which is a project of the March of Dimes. The mission of March of Dimes is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality.

I'd love it if you'd join me to raise funds for the research March of Dimes accomplishes throughout the year. Funds raised in the March for Babies support research and programs that help moms have full-term pregnancies and babies begin healthy lives. And they will be used to bring comfort and information to families with a baby in newborn intensive care.

As Tara & Trey have learned to navigate life as parents without a living a child, they've been surprised to discover just how many other parents there are like them. Pregnancy doesn't always go easily, and it isn't always joyful. That's not fair. It's not fair that Tara and countless other women will always feel worry over pregnancy rather than elation. The research funded by March for Babies aims to change the future, making healthy pregnancies and healthy babies a more constant reality.

If you're interested in learning more, or want to donate towards the cause, please visit:

www.marchforbabies.org/HopeBlaylock

Help us honor the life of Scout Warrick.

Today? Not the best.

On repeat: You Are Love

A mind full of questions
And a heart full of pain
Can’t understand why we are here again
But there’s grace in this season
Not just to see us through
But to renew us

You are love Lord
And Your ways testify
You are love Lord
Perfectly defined
Through the suffering or joy
We will confide in Your perfect love

A mind full of questions
And a future unclear
But Your perfect love scatters fear
‘Cos Your will is to build up
And not to harm
But to complete us

It’s time to stretch these legs of faith
And run into this unknown width
With truth of Your love for us

-Rend Collective Experiment