The mental transition, however, is not going so well. And this is precisely how I roll, which is not to say that I like it. Historically, I have enjoyed moving into new stages of life. I like settling in, decorating, discovering new places. I appear to handle it all so smoothly. I moved 2,000 miles across the country after college and acted all firm in those decisions, but in reality, there was a lot of turmoil involved.
Here's how this is playing out today: I'm in a new city, with a new job, with no friends in the area to speak of (yet) and suddenly I'm wondering what the hell I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I'm not even finished unpacking and I wonder what my next move will be. Not because I want to move, but because I do not yet feel the comfort of being settled. I spend a lot of breath telling my fellow single girlfriends that having a man, a husband, will not complete us. They will just be men and we'll have to spend a lot of energy and give a lot of love to make it work.
But, whenever I feel this odd suspension during major transitions--this aimless sense of wandering, I am extremely tempted to believe that once I'm married and we start having children, start settling into a particular life, that I will never feel this way again.
But that can't be true. Change and transition will always happen. Even, and probably especially, within marital and familial relationships. So feeling suspended will continue to happen to me in some form or another, no matter what human connections are built in the future of my life.
Is there a way to rid myself of this feeling? I believe the only way is to let myself feel it and then to move forward. For the moving forward part, I've made a list (loooove a good list) of practical things to do for myself, and another list of practical things to do within my community. Sometimes catapulting myself into projects is the best way to think through things.
Do you ever feel this suspension? How do you move beyond it?
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