NEWSFLASH: Seasons are all the rage this... season.

I've just finished reading Susan Isaac's new book called Angry Conversations with God: A Snarky but Authentic Spiritual Memoir. And I mean really? If that title doesn't make you a little bit curious, why are you even reading my blog? Before I dive into my thoughts, I want you to know that I highly suggest you read this book if you've ever wanted to (or actually) scream: "What the F**K, God?" Because I have, and if you haven't, I'd venture a guess that you're lying to yourself.

Moving on.

Isaacs talks about various relationships throughout her life, both romantic and not, and how they have shaped who she is in different seasons. I agree with her, that we are made for relationship; God made us this way. But somehow her words have made me look at that fact from a new angle.

I've always thought of dating as a process that is necessary to find The One. (Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuun.) You know, like your mom always said when you broke up with someone (again), you just take the good qualities from this guy and from the guys before him and you refine what you're looking for in a man.

I mean honey, at some point can the search be refined anymore? And can we please skip the awkward dinner conversations? Kthanks.

If a person seems likely a weeeee bit close to the Prince Charming in my head, and I somehow impress him with my overt sarcasm and propensity to chew the inside of my lower lip while reading, we might date for awhile.

BUT.

What if dating isn't always about finding The One? What if dating is God putting skin on for a season? By this I mean, I think God sometimes puts people in our lives to date for a period of time to change us. The relationship can help things die that need to die and help grow things that need to grow. And maybe there are several seasons of death and rebirth and growth, but still not all seasons. Perhaps God is giving us "our person" (that's my friend Sarah's phrase) only for a time.

God created us for relationship. Supremely, relationship with him, but also relationship with each other. Doesn't it stand to reason then, that even if a relationship is not THE Relationship, it is still something to work at, to embrace, to cultivate in its season? But further, it's something to let die when that season is over?

I'm bad at letting go.

I do not have my MRS. degree, thankyouverymuch

One of my younger brothers is dating a very precious and wonderful girl whom he plans to marry. He calls her his "Missus" and it's nauseating and sweet. They are very strange and somehow, they go together. (When they make the face in the photo? It apparently means they're invisible. And they're twenty-one.)

I don't have a "Mister" and I would love to tell you that's just fine with me, la dee daaaaa! But I would be lying. I used to date my best friend, and now I don't and it makes me very sad. Because what is it about a husband that all of us single gals want so badly? It's having that person who knows you to your core and still loves you, chooses to love you in the middle of all the brokenness of the world and then that person helps you grow. And I had that man for a long time, until one day we realized that we wanted different things.

What I am starting to understand now, is my mistake. When I knew we would break up, I told myself I wasn't sure if I could do life without him. I'll tell you the truth, that's why it was & is so hard, and that's also why it wasn't right for me. There shouldn't be any one person that I need to be able to "do life" except for Jesus. And yes, I know that's incredibly trite and religious-sounding, but that doesn't really make it any less true.

Today I read a post on Big Mama's blog that summed up a lot of the lessons God has been kindly beating into my thick skull with a mallet. Primarily, I'm understanding that a man will not and cannot complete me. Our culture inundates us with images of love and passion and completeness as coming together in one giant romantic package, sealed with a long, mushy gushy kiss. And I'm not gonna lie to you, I want that!

But what I also want is someone who doesn't expect me to be perfect. Someone who can forgive me when I try to control every last second of every single day. Someone who can talk me off the ledge when I start crying and can't stop. I want someone who can lead me with strength and masculinity, but godliness above all. I want someone who doesn't need me, but chooses me anyway. (And somebody who will make me enchiladas and margaritas while we watch football, but who doesn't want that?)

Because isn't that how God loves us?

I am only beginning to touch the surface of my own thoughts about this, so expect more. Also expect me to sound more than a little bitter one day, and really rather broken the next. I think that's how it's going to be for awhile. And I'm okay with that.

I did say I like seasons, & change, after all.