I Can Be Funny!!!

Okay so here it is:

This blog can be kind of depressing. All these serious life questions and pseudo-deep, intellectual thoughts. I've been thinking about starting another blog for the sake of being snappy and sarcastic and cuss-y, because in real life, that's what I'm like most of the time, and damn it if it's not hilarious! (Or at least I think so.) But why start a new one that has a totally different personality? My real life personality is irreverent and sometimes without a filter, but it's also one that questions things like the meaning of life with a what-the-hell-am-I-doing-here-I-think-I-need-to-cry sort of attitude.

So I've decided that henceforth I'm going to be more intentional about allowing my blog posts to be a more realistic reflection of real life me.

Because some days I just want to be shallow and read trashy romance novels.

Life in Color

During the past few weeks my life has been full.

I went to Colorado to see my favorite person to see, and I felt settled in my spirit in a way that had felt foreign until his arms embraced me.

We saw the Rockies at Coors Field and O.A.R. at Red Rocks.

Which is, if you ask me, the very best place to see a concert.

See how pretty?!

We dressed up and went out.

And when we went out, we ate meat.

Rattlesnake, yak, ostrich, buffalo, elk and quail to be exact.

When I came home, there was the marriage of two of the finest people I know:

Aren't they beautiful?

Many of us came together to celebrate with them.

When I am with these people, my days are filled with color.

A hard place

I hate that my first blog will be about what's hard, but isn't it always the hard things that push us back to what we love? I love to write. I love the stability I feel when the words begin to flow, and so I find myself here at the computer, aching to pour words out.

For some reason, I have found it hard to do what I love during a time when my day is mostly wasted on the things I hate. So blessed long since I have written for the sake of it.

I am disappointed in my new job, but also in myself. I had a boyfriend once tell me that my propensity towards quick, life-changing decisions scared him. I suppose that is what took me away from him physically at first, and ultimately forever. It was a legitimate fear and one I should have paid more attention to, perhaps. I made the decision to return to the south where I grew up, after a blessed year out west, because a single job was offered to me. It looked decent on paper-- mostly the benefits, not the pay so much; but it was twice what I had been making in the restaurant and it was a regular paycheck. Now I feel miserable, but at least with the hope that I am not trapped here in this job or in this city.

I want so much to own my life. It seems that I have allowed it to belong to people who think they know what is best for me. I have come to that point of growing up where I don't feel as though I have to listen to everything other people think I ought. I need to make some big decisions all by myself, even if they are mistakes, so I can establish my own life and know that I have done a thing by myself, for myself.

I like being on the road, where my day-to-day actions aren't accountable to other people.