Growing

Here's something I've been thinking about lately:

It's okay that the person I was six months ago is kind of embarassing to remember today.

Because, you see, it means I'm growing.

Do you ever reflect on things you said or did that, at the time, played out all movie-like in your head, but then in reality, it turned out you weren't actually in a musical?

This sort of behavior begins early. When I was in 7th grade, I had an 8th grade boyfriend and he was going to be my first kiss. We were at Kristy's party, sitting on the sofa in the basement, watching Scream 2. Jacob* was on my right, my best friend Lindsey on my left. During the action-packed crescendo of screaming, Jacob looked deep into my eyes, closed his own, began to lean in, and I....

...whipped right around to my left and loudly said, "So Lindsey! Did you hear about the basketball game?!"

*name changed to protect the poor schmuck.

Ten years (ish) later I have not stopped acting like that girl. These days, it's more along the lines of blurting out what I really think before considering the fact that it's hurtful or just completely inappropriate. It's those moments where you can almost see your words coming out of your mouth and you reach out to GRAB THEM FAST before they reach the other person's ears. Oh but that's too bad-- besides not being a musical, my life is also decidedly NOT a cartoon. You just can't grab that word bubble and take it all back.

So even though it is good to know I've grown up since 8th grade and even since six months ago, it's also good to remember little songs from before I was a grown up at all:

Oh be careful little mouth what you say...

Hmmmm, or something like that.